The foolishness of youth and arrogance of power is poison. The consequences of my sins from years ago still haunt me and every time the devil sees the opportunity to accuse and condemn me, I feel helpless and sad and stressed out and worthless. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord had already forgiven me, but like the mythical zombie, the consequences of my sins just don’t seem to die and go away. ( at least not as quick as I hoped it would be).
The devil’s tactics got old and with God’s grace, I was able to manage and deal with the attacks. Except this morning the enemy sucker punched me with something unbelievable shocking that I started my day pissed. Some sibling nonsense., you know?
I was persistent to find out which sibling said what and my hurt reaction was “how dare he/she!” (and I have no idea who it might be, lol) and I found myself rambling about how I helped in the past and how I was a good sister to everyone, etc. I heard my voice and suddenly realized that it was all rubbish- the devil dangled the bait and I took it! Boy, was I confused.
I cried out to God, but I was not even sure what I was crying about. An overwhelming sense of sadness, desperation and losing control was just enough to break me down. As I was praying I said ” in times like this, how would I know if you are speaking to me still? How would I know if you’re listening to me?
I laid in bed crying just saying “help me, help me, help me please..help. Oh God help me.”
In case you are wondering what happened next, I sat in my little corner, opened my bible and there He was. Speaking loud and clear in Psalm 30.
I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
8 To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
God is not deaf. The devil comes up with new tricks but our compassionate God equips us with better weapons to counter the attacks while shielding ourselves from further harm. There is great comfort in being helpless for it is when we are in this situation that we give God the opportunity to rescue, save and heal us.
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth.-Psalm 121:2