I Don’t Want to Love My Enemy

Love Your Enemies.

I am a loyal friend. I grew up keeping  few “best” ones. That’s why when the person I thought was my best friend betrayed me, I was deeply hurt. To add insult to injury, some people actually believed her story and to my chagrin, I was an instant villain.  It hurt so much to the point of bitterness that I decided from then on that she was not gonna be my friend anymore. I wrote her off and went on with my life.

That was the first part of the story. The second part happened five years later. That same friend sought me and with indirect actions, wanted to reconnect. I did not say  reconcile because there was not a hint of apology anyway and it was unsettling that she acted as if nothing happened in the past. I was very adamant but couple of friends encouraged me and asked me to give her another chance,

..and I did.

I proceeded with the re-connection with extreme caution, and that proved wise because months later, I discovered the true motivation for why she befriended me. She was having an extra-marital affair. She cheated on her husband the second time  and she wanted me to get involved and be used as her decoy, again. Seriously???

I stopped talking to her and eventually sent her an email explaining why I can no longer be her friend. I stood up for what was right and in the end she responded with hatred and contempt. My reaction was that of disbelief but relief.  I  just shrugged it off and forgot about it.

Yesterday, I saw her pictures with the guy through an alumni page. She was just flagrant and  our friends were cheering on. I was overcame by this heavy feeling. My spirit was riled up and I tried convincing  myself that I am good, I’m not bothered and I don’t care.

My quiet time this morning was quiet. I mean really quiet. I can’t pray, I was distracted and I was burdened. I was just struggling. I said “God, what is it?” then almost immediately,  the problem was identified and isolated. I am still hurting!!

What followed next was an animated conversation between me and the Lord. I said to Him ” Lord, look, this is exactly what I was talking about”. “What? you want me to love my enemies?” “You know that is not always easy Lord, and of course loving my enemies would mean praying for them too, right?” “What do you want me to pray about?” “How can I pray for my enemies? You didn’t specify how”. ” Can I really say, Lord bless her despite what she’s done? , that’s not fair!”

In the end I just resigned and said “I can’t do it, but I will do it because you said so”.

I began reading my bible and my heart wells up with tears when I reached Psalm 37.

How reassuring it is to know that “Father really knows best”. He sees my hurt, He sees my pain and yet He still commands me to love her, and pray for her?!

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

Here I am moping and acting like a total loser, and Our Father said to me, “why are you bothering yourself with this? It’s my job, I know what’s going on, I can see. Just keep doing what I command you to do, focus on me and I will take care of  this.”

And like a loving Daddy, He kissed my owwie and embraced me.

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10 thoughts on “I Don’t Want to Love My Enemy

  1. It is so very hard to do something like this when another has hurt us deeply. I know and many know that we want to shield ourselves and then I see Jesus on that cross with everyone attacking him and I think, I can do this, and you will too! hugs

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    1. Hi terry, that’s true. and like you said and i said it was always easy to stay mad and hurt, but you know Jesus went through all this. and that is why His words are powerful because he was an overcomer. Thanks Terry, have a wonderful Sunday.

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  2. I really, liked this post and I just wanted to tell you that. I love people who mix the ingredients of real life with the ingredients of God and come out with a beautiful cake.
    I wrote a post called Rusty’s Accident & Forgiveness that I thought you might be interested in reading. It’s long but I think it’s pertinent here.
    http://robinclaire.wordpress.com/2012/12/06/rustys-accident-forgiveness-2-2/
    robin claire
    ps – can you give me a name to call you by? any name will do.
    rc

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